The 5 Stages Healthy Men Go Through Before They Commit

Stage 1: Attraction

This one is simple. You can only meet men through three channels: in person, online, or through a mutual connection. Wherever he sees you, he's attracted, and from there he reaches out and says hello.

Stage 2: Alignment

This is where he's asking himself, usually unconsciously: Are we compatible? Are we on the same page? Do we have the same values and a similar vision?

Compatibility is one of the most important things to understand, because who you choose as a partner impacts everything: your financial, physical, mental, emotional and spiritual life. Most people fall in love and commit because of proximity, chemistry or love alone. But you can love someone without being compatible with them.

We created a compatibility checklist for our private clients, and you can download it free here.

Where situationships happen

If a man doesn't want commitment, he won't move into stage three. He stays between attraction and alignment. That's how people get hurt: weeks, months, sometimes years go by in a situationship because he's attracted to you, maybe there's a little compatibility, but he isn't ready for commitment.

Stage 3: Infatuation

I define infatuation as attraction combined with imagination. In his mind he's asking: What would life be like with this woman? Can I provide for her? Can I win with her? What would she be like as a wife, as a mother?

Men want to be your hero. If he feels like he can't be your hero, he's not going to commit.

It can sound egotistical, and at the same time, we're human. If he tries to provide and lead but is met with criticism, contempt or comparison, he won't feel inspired to keep stepping up. Those three things are killers when it comes to a man's leadership.

Stage 4: Safety

A lot of men don't have language for this, but they feel it in their body. He's asking himself: Can I reveal my heart here?

Many men grow up being taught that opening up, crying or being vulnerable makes you weak. If he's opened up before and it was used against him, he won't feel safe. So he's watching, consciously or not: Can I share my biggest wound and my biggest fears with her? How does she talk about other people?

Stage 5: Commitment

A healthy man doesn't commit just because of love, or just because of attraction. He commits when there is attraction, alignment, infatuation and safety. A man wants to win with you. If he can't, he won't try to commit.

Women go through these stages too, but the language and the order of each stage are different. If you'd like a video on that, let us know on YouTube.

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